I never thought I would have to go through this step so many times with the same person. I thought when I said he would be outta my life then that would be it. We have been playing this back and forth game for over a year..am I addicted to the pain? I will never know. I m slowly finding myself dating again. It is exciting and scary all at the same time..I found my old phone the other day and happened to go through it..reading all the old I miss you texts and all the hope we had for this relationship to last made me wonder what is next? I believe everything happens for areas on so does this mean I will find a great guy who will. Ompletely erase all the bad feelings about the last one? Or is there only a matter a time before I run into him yet again at a bar or when iMovie back to fburg in the summer? Or will I forever be left..wondering
Haven’t slept good in a while. Prob due to the fact i am not used to laying in bed alone. I know hes got someone new already which surprises me how i could be replaced so quickly. Saw him Thursday night i dont know what the point was but i guess i wanted to see if i was over him. I know hes wrong for me in so many ways and going back to him would just be a mistake i guess i keep going over in my head what could have been but that is all just a distant memory. Guess i gotta get on with my life the concept of getting over someone is a feeling i havent had to do in a long time so its weird for me to know what to do..i know it doesnt happen over night and i am gonna have my good days and my bad ones but i have to keep telling myself it is for the better..
saw the play last night and it really touched me and I could relate to it in so many ways. It is about being in a relationship with heated bad arguments and unstable problems but for some reason you can’t get out of it.
So much has happened..He was trying to work things out after all was said and done I told him it is hard to pick up the pieces which led him to emailing my mom and apologizing for the past and trying to make things right. It backfired of course coz my mom has already made up her mind on him. I still love him with all my heart which makes this situation tough and frustrating.
The last contact I had with him we got into an argument where he asked me if I had moved on or talked to other guys which I HAVEN’T. I can’t even think about all that right now. He fired back I don’t believe you you are lying to me and I really truly am not I told him I meant it when I said I loved him and I wouldn’t even think to doing something like that right now. He blocked me from facebook and his phone so now I have no way of even talking to him. I have never been so distraught in my life.. I will be in the burg this weekend so I may see him I may not I think the fact that he lives 10 minutes from me is gonna take everything in me not to see him..love sucks..
I am officially at the stage where ive accepted that i was the best thing he ever had and he simply doesnt deserve my tears anymore. Sometimes love isn’t enough to keep 2 ppl together it takes effort and commitment on both halfs to make the situation work..i just wish i hadn’t wasted a year of my life on a asshole who was going nowhere fast
It has rained everyday since he has been gone..wonder if it means something…he just called me asking how ive been since we hadnt talked on the phone in 2 days i said fine talked to him bout work and stuff and that was really it..i wanted to say more but i had to stop myself…i dont understand it i talked about it tonight that even through all the pain he has caused me if he were to call me tomorrow and beg for me back i would say yes coz i love him that much…what seriously is wrong with me am i addicted to the pain?i keep hearing people say you deserve better but it goes in one ear and out the other..i seriously think something is wrong with me!
I have yet to accept things. He told terrence hes just taking time to figure out himself and his priorities and he doesn’t consider us broken up completely since we still talk all the time but i feel when we talk hes so distant and not the same person i once fell in love with..i am trying real had to focus on me and my new job but he still lingers on my mind..my bed feels so empty without him in it..this is the longest i have gone without seeing him in over 5 months and honestly i dont know what will happen next time i do see him..everyone keeps tellin me i deserve better but for some reason that is a phrase i dont wanna hear right now..ive yet to tell my mom and honestly i am not ready to hear the words i told you so..i know he loved me there is no doubt in my mind it is just stsill hard for me to comprehend the fact that if he did then why isn’t he still here..
another song relating to my life like all the others on my tumblr right now… “only one” by Yellowcard